We, or our mind, which we think is us, lives in constant fear of being hurt. Human beings live in constant fear of being hurt. Therefore, they have accepted as normal to be in constant fear and resistance. This is how things are, this is life, this is the situation, we repeat in our mind. We live in fear, and that's normal. Fear of "being too warm", "fear of being too cold", "fear of being too far, or too close", fear, fear, fear.
Everything we do consciously and unconsciously is solely to protect ourselves from the pain and from the fear that is at its root. When we stop defending ourselves from the pain, we can begin to experience it and thus begin to melt away the fear. We can begin to acknowledge that there is pain, we can begin to acknowledge its existence.
We are creatures that respond to pain with more pain and more fear. We are not used to staying with our pain and fear. So when someone touches our pain, we lash out, or shut down, or look for something outside to make the pain stop, or take the pain away, or re-narrate it as something that "isn't pain."
But there is only one way to go through the pain - recognition and staying in and with the pain. Because everything in this world wants to be experienced, recognized, allowed to exist, wants to be loved.
Sometimes it's the other way around - we get so attached to our pain, staying with it, that we can't let it go, and we stay with it much longer than necessary. Thus we do not allow our pain to become independent, to grow and become Love. Staying with a fake version of pain becomes our new defense against and from pain.
We must learn to acknowledge the existence of pain, to stand with our pain, but also to continue after and beyond it. To that which is Love. The more pain we are able to stay with, let go of, and move on with, the more Love we can generate.
In effect, we are transformers who can transform pain/fear into love. We are true Star Alchemists.
Opening your heart does not mean not being afraid, but it means accepting, making room for fear-pain, and transforming them into pure Love.
Ivaylo Dobrev